viralbandit
Out of all types of cringe-worthy material, the “badass guy/girl” trope is one of the worst. Some people really feel the need to let the world know how much of a badass they are as they use guns/drugs/have tattoos/are anti-liberal or are just plain mean. However, such attempts at bad-assery are usually cringe-worthy rather than cool to all those around such people. Here, we made a list of all the laughable attempts at trying to appear cool and edgy. Prepare for some cringing, then scroll down below and leave a vote for those that made you laugh (or cringe).
h/t: boredpanda
“I’m Italian. We don’t call the cops – we call family”
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“Pastor. Because hardcore devil stomping ninja isn’t an official job title”
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“Hey snowflake, in the real world you don’t get a participation trophy, not everybody is a winner, no one owes you anything, screaming doesn’t make you right, sometimes you actually lose, crying doesn’t solve problems, nothing is free in this world, people are going to say things that you don’t like and you are not special!”
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“The dumbest thing you can possibly do is piss off my wife. She will open the gates of hell and escort your a** right on in. And she will do it with a smile on her face”
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“As a September guy, I’m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me just remember I know how to hide a dead body”
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“I have been the kind of man that when my feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says ‘oh crap, he’s up!’”
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“I came into this world kicking and screaming while covered in someone else’s blood and I have no problem with going out the same way”
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“I may seem quiet and reserved but if you mess with me while I’m bowling, I will break out a level of crazy that will make your nightmares seem like a happy place”
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“Too fat to run, too fat to fight, I JUST SHOOT”
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“If this flag offends you, I’ll help you pack”
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“I am an asshole man: I love freedom, drink beer and love my wife. I protect my family, I eat meat and have tattoos. If you don’t like it – move”
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“Oh, you ran a marathon? That’s so cute! Maybe when you grow up your mommy will let you do the rest of the race!”
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“I am the weapon”
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“Do I look like someone who cares what God thinks?”
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“Beware: I ride horses, which means I own pitchforks, have the strength to haul hay and have the guts to scream at a half ton animal after being kicked. You will not be a problem”
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“Only God can decide if terrorists are right or wrong. It’s our job to arrange the meeting”
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“I didn’t serve this country for pussies to tell me that I should be politically correct”
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“I have three sides: the quiet side, the fun and crazy side, the side you never want to see”
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“As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil , for I am the baddest motherf***er in the valley”
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“If this flag offends you, you need a history lesson”
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“Stay back 100 meters or you will be shot”
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“I am 10 times the asshole you could ever hope to be. Now run along”
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“Forklift operator. My sense of humor may hurt your feelings or offend you. I suggest you buckle up, buttercup! I change for no one”
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“There are a lot of people in the world to mess with, I’m the one you may wanna ski
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“Obama can’t ban these guns”
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“Peace is not my profession – it’s yours. War is my profession. Should you fail at your job, I will not fail at mine”
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“No one meets death until they see me”
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“I oil my guns with liberal tears”
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“I ain’t taking no orders from no woman”
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“Careful, boy. I’m this old for a reason”
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“Cool story, babe. Now make me a sandwich”
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“And on the 8th day God created elevator constructors and the devil stood at attention”
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“Never, and I mean never, mess with 4-H kids, because in 4-H we are a family… and if you mess with the family you better run”
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“I am a grumpy old man. I’m allergic to stupidity, I break out in sarcasm, I was born in July, I protect my family and I love my country. If this offends you – I don’t care”
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“Nobody needs an AR15? Nobody needs a whiny little b***h either, yet here you are”
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“I’m not a bully, you’re just a pussy!”
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“Ass kicker”
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“I can always get a new job but you’ll always be stupid”
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“Never underestimate a man who was born in November. You know my name, not my story, you heard what I’ve done, not what I’ve been through”
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“Talk s**t – spit blood”
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